Pervs,
Well, it's September, which means the Government is busy ramping up their end-of-the-year budget deadlines (Government fiscal year ends in October). With the increased email traffic going around, I thought it a good idea to dedicate September's post to the constant stream of entendres (that's not 'entendru' btw) that spew forth from the Government.
Got one of my favorites today. This is an ACTUAL EMAIL forwarded out to hundreds, maybe thousands of Government employees today. Not making this up:
"All,
Please make every effort to get your packages (the ones that will become HOT tomorrow) into the front office today!
Thanks."
True story. My friend claims that she will now be referring to her "hoo-hah" as "the front office."
Second, there is a new system coming to our installation soon. They have big electronic signs up with helpful "words of the day" to get ready for the system's deployment. The word of the day last week? "Backflushing."
Right.
Third: As you probably know, the Government is fond of acronyms (VLIPS probably comes to mind as a favorite). They have a new one that is my current favorite: MUFFIN. Seriously. And, to top it off, if you're having problems accessing MUFFIN, you can call the MUFFIN hotline.
Yes, we will be drunk dialing the MUFFIN hotline very soon.
"Hi, MUFFIN hotline. How can I help you?"
"Yes, um, have you seen The Man?"
"The man?"
"Yes- the MUFFIN man. He lives on Drury lane."
Government training course: "You'll get the balls if you have errors."
ReplyDeleteIndeed.
Great Government quote.
ReplyDeleteA chick had been working on putting together some proposal or something and had spent a lot of time revising and editing her work. She turned it into her boss who reviewed it and said that, no, not to worry- it was fine as is and required no further editing. Her response was:
"Oh thank God! Do you have any idea of how many times I have touched and massaged that package?!"
Indeed.