Thursday, May 20, 2010

May 2010: Spreading, Keeping It Up, and Trotting Bareback

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Welcome aboard. Together we'll be taking a journey through the web, combing it for the most ridiculous innuendos we can find. This week officially starts on Monday, May 24th, but who's counting? We'll start each month off with a few gems, add to the list as we find them, and vote for the best-of-the-month "that's what she said" award.

Let's get to it, shall we?

It took me approximately 30 seconds to find the first three phrases for this week. The first two are decent (though all the more powerful when given their completely innocent source) but the third one was absolutely rancid. I seriously had to spend five minutes picking my favorite phrase off of this blog; go check it out!

Remember, these are all real (I'll quote sources), quoted exactly and without editing, and meant COMPLETELY innocently. Go!

#1: "because honestly, i work better spreading everything out." --

#2: "I really can't believe I've kept it up for so long, it's almost
shocking :)"

#3: "Hopefully he won't be lame anymore. Right now his stride is pretty
short and choppy. He's not totally lame or anything, just... Off. :-/
So, I've just been riding him lightly lately. Just walking and trotting
a little bareback, because he'll get totally out of shape if I just give
him time off for too long."

Keep em coming!



  1. "Hyper only happens when she's about to go on a walk, and then she just jumps around and makes it hard to get the leash on her. When we open the door she doesn't bolt, she doesn't chew our stuff, she goes potty outside, she comes when she's called. But Matt has diagnosed her with dependent personality disorder because her love tank is always in need of filling, it's actually relentless. She will follow us around the house making it hard not to trip over her, will paw us for petting if we sit down anywhere near her, can be found waiting patiently outside the bathroom door for us to come out."

    I dated a girl like that.


  2. "here's a tree-crotch pouring from its deeps
    the lives of wasp babies"

    Um... that's not even an innuendo. Still, one of the most disturbing hunks of poetry I've ever read. Tree-crotch??? Sounds like a nickname a freshman girl would get after a particularly wild marching band party. Tough to live that one down.


  3. "He may be low-headed but his entire body is stiff as he waits for the next pop on his face, the next dig with the spurs."

    Seriously- I'm not even trying. I have a feeling these horse blogs are going to be a GOLDMINE.


  4. Hi,
    I'd really appreciate it if you would stop totally abusing the blogs of people from the equestrian world. It's totally immature, especially without asking permission to borrow the quotes first. I don't appreciate you borrowing these quotes, and I'm sure the other people with equestrian based blogs don't either. Our phrases are not intended to be interpreted in this totally sick, mindless fashion the way you interpret them. In fact, your whole blog is completely ludicrous. I'm surprised an adult (or can I even say that) like you would be so immature as to do something like this, and twist our quotes into something horrendous. It's abusive, annoying, and frankly quite stupid. Please stop. Thank you. :)
    ~Lydia (just for reference so you never so much at copy my quotes again)

  5. Ha! Just saw this.

    Hi Lydia,

    While- legally speaking- re-posting a quote from someone's blog is fine as long as you aren't claiming it as your own original content, I will, due to your indignant and self-righteous email, refrain from using your blog again for any purpose on this site. You're welcome!

    However, don't make the mistake of generalizing all horse riders as humorless fussy-shorts; I happen to know several that are quite funny and even allow themselves to occasionally watch "The Office." Seen it? Good show.

    This site is not only entertaining, but is also a public-awareness campaign. If you don't realize what your comments sound like to certain types of people (those whose humor stagnated at about 7th grade- approx. 36% of the population) you are bound to repeat them and face merciless laughter from we hooligans. I'm just trying to save you the trouble.

    So I suppose your comment is out of contention for ITYM of the year. For shame!

    I take it you won't be following this site?

    Stay safe on that horse,


  6. To Lydia: Lighten up a little bit. If you take yourself so seriously in life, you won't enjoy it as much. Finding humour in innuendo isn't "immature." It happens, people laugh (well, at least people who aren't too serious) and move on. It has nothing to do w/ having the mentality of a child or adult, with maturity levels, or anything else you'd like to pretend it deals with. It's just funny stuff, plain and simple. I bet you Jesus is laughing at this stuff right now.

    To Caleb: Yes, Jesus is reading this blog and laughing as we speak. He's in heaven saying, "Barebacking and spreading! Classic! hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! lmao!!! Oh Caleb!" As for the haters, they need to stop fakin', get over themselves, and laugh at the absurdity of their own words because I sure as hell am laughing LOUDLY at their ridiculousness!

  7. Screw it, I know I already posted something but I found this one and just the blog title itself made me giggle like a 7th grader:

  8. Okay Wendy: awesomeness. I read through a few things from that site and, HILARIOUS. Here's a few: (appropriately put into this post since it became the "horse" month)

    "First we did stretches and things to loosen up our muscles and be more relaxed in the saddle, then we worked on walk/trot/canter a bit without stirrups and focused a lot on body position. It was really helpful, and my stirrups went down two holes; felt good. :) Probably should have done that earlier. "

    "He was a good boy. The first day (when I took the picture below) he had a funny habit of untying himself. Again...and again...and again. Try doing up a girth one handed, the other clutching a lead....interesting. Needless to say, I wasn't really that excited to ride him. Funny as he was on the ground, though, he was great in the saddle. For the record, I tacked him in a stall the other 2 times and he didn't give me any trouble."

    It truly DOES write itself!

    Jesus loves horses AND sexual innuendos.

  9. You are the sickest people I've met blogging. Congratulations. Stay away from my blog. This entire blog is disgusting. you use my quote again and I'm gonna be pissed. More pissed than I even am now.
    Do not ever use my quotes again. you have no right to. You jerks. X(
    You disgust me.


  11. Okay, make that TWO humorless fussy-shorts.

    You ever have the feeling that some people just aren't getting laid?