Friday, March 4, 2011

March 2011: I'll Try Your Meat

Yeah, I'm a bit late.  Fuck off.

Wait, wait.  Come back.  That was harsh, I know.  Let me start over?  I can haz do-over?

Ok.  I apologize for being a few days late.  It wasn't intentional; I was just struggling to think of what I wanted to focus on in March.  Then I went lunch today.

The table behind us had about 8 people seated together.  Since they all had the same Cro Magnon look about them I assumed they were related (and probably married).  Several of them had ordered lasagna, but of different varieties.  One with no meat, one with meat, and one with a meat-creme (LOL word fail!) sauce.  Yes, you can guess where this conversation went:

CM 1: "Does anyone want a piece of mine? This sauce is really good."
CM 2,3: "You bet!  That meat looks really good."

CM 1: "Okay.  Just hand me your plate and I'll scape a piece of mine onto yours.  Yeah, there we go.  Do you mind if my piece touches yours?"

CM 2: "It's fine.  It's all going to the same place anyway!" 

CM 3: "You want some of my meat to try?"  [Yes, actually said.]

CM 1: "Sure.  Mine is really hot right now.  Ouch!  Yeah, scalding.  I can't even put it in my mouth yet.  I'll just eat some of yours until mine cools off!  LOL!" 

CM 2: "Yeah, this is hot... good though.  I like the creme.  Did they say they make this with bacon grease?"

CM 1: "I think so.  She said they put a lot of meat together and grind it all up, then add the grease back in.  Tastes really good, whatever they did!"

CM 3: "I don't know... my meat one is pretty good.  Maybe I'll have to get both next time!"

CM 2: "Oh.  This is way better.  Do you want to swap?"

Etc., etc.  You can imagine me trying to not spit my own meat on the table as I listen to this blatant disregard for innuendo etiquette.  I mean seriously- do people not know what they're saying?

Luckily I captured this conversation early on, but how many times do you hear people talking and completely ignoring the rules of entendre?  Really.  Come on people.

You know, I'm trying to do a service here, but sometimes it feels like my warnings fall on deaf ears.

Now pass me my meat.

Meat.  Sheesh.

Caleb "You can't say meat safely hardly ever!" Shreves

Breaking news update!

On Fox News tonight, the hosts were talking about a failed NASA mission: Glory.

Anchor: "Here's a clip:  [audio] "we have had a contingency in the glory mission" okay folks, I'll pause for your jokes..."

Maybe someone finally IS getting this whole innuendo thing!


  1. Haha, innuendo galore. Now I am going to go eat some hot meat while I watch the glory mission. What?!? I am hungry :) Have a good weekend, innuendo or not!

  2. Lol. i've heard such awkward conversations in restaurants, i just want to strangle them, make them puke the meat they have eaten and make them eat it again. Bliss! :D

    Bitchzilla on The loose.

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  4. I have never had meat cream hot, mostly just Luke warm. BTW your blow is pretty fantastic!

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